REWRITING THE FEMDOM RULE BOOK
A lot of commercial FemDom looks so much like posturing from a parallel latex universe, that the conventionally male dominated practices of main society seem ever more settled in their unbalanced ways.
In the media, rare occurrences of the dominatrix portray her as an eccentric cosplay caricature; no real mental, personable dimension is given to the motivations of the Domme outside the financial pursuit in exchange for the man’s fantasy. Noir femmes fatales have more psychological depth.
I’ve been using my FemDom practice and my personal life as beacon of change, in the inverting of this power imbalance. Sexuality isn’t isolated from the rest of the personality, and where I find my persona dominant in day to day life, I find my sex drive equally domineering. If I was to believe, like the common woman, the posturing and sci-fi artificiality of mainstream femdom imagery define it, I’d retreat back into a corner and say, well things are the same between men and women on planet earth, what gives. It certainly feels that way when you watch Hollywood movies. The arena that depicts my sexual orientation would seem alien, and traditional gender roles and sex orientations already do.
But sexual (and more) femdom exists spontaneously in the wild, and not just in the shape of male fantasy with uncomfortable 6 inch heels and cock-oriented paraphernalia. Neither does it have to be defined by commercial femdom imagery, which seems cartoonish and disingenuous. I understand market forces dictate the product, since most of what we have to base our perception of femdom on emanates from the male sex, with dommes building imagery based on the demand, but there is something to be said about a disappointment with the progress of our times. Female sexual agency doesn’t really seem to have progressed much, based on cultural representation. Beneath the veil of femdom parlance, there is a lot of customer service fantasy delivery. I am not blaming the providers for it, under any circumstance. Capitalism is unforgiving, and EVERYBODY, not just sex workers, is forced to put up survival efforts which don’t necessarily align with their inner reality.
But as a femdom with the sexually dominant instincts corresponding to my general dominance, I like to clarify that these instincts do exist. I can identify them in others, as I know what they are, and they’re not always theatrical scenes in a smoky dungeon. They’re spontaneous acts of feminine dominance. Before I knew about BDSM, my vanilla mother displayed these behaviors and I wouldn’t understand them. Putting your man down. Humiliating his physique, beaming with delight at slapping him in public; casually pulling him by the hair; ordering him to do things; berating him with cutting wit; taking charge of his finances.
This article in the British press shows a gang of three confident teenagers “abusing” a footballer of same age. As a pro Domme, I recognize in this a very common male submissive fantasy: being used, victimized by a group of sexually aggressive females. Yet these women are prosecuted and will be filed as sexual offenders. There’s a lot of genuine dominant lust there. This is what the proverbial innate femdom action looks like. We have forgotten, since we partake in a scene where it’s all rehearsed to the tune of male fantasy.
A day in the life of a partner of mine includes at least one of the following: face slapping, often in public, buttock groping, often in public, sexual initiation, casually walking over just to bury his pretty face in my thighs, humiliating his male ego, receiving the daily massage, …even punching. These come natural at various times during the day; they’re manifestations of my lust and appreciation for his physique and character. I express sexual interest by using, abusing, humiliating, kicking. It’s hard to grasp for the PC brigade, but these consensual, tongue in cheek behaviors feel liberating and very sane. Animal, but refreshingly sincere. Long before I knew of alternative sexual practices I would do the same to boys I liked in school, dejected they didn’t appreciate the fine displays of power offered.
I’m offering the possibility that domme imagery has been led by male fantasy and providing a ritual that is inspired from dead ages. New age femdom is casual, fun, and impulsive. Many aspects of conventional Femdom seem to me dried up and frozen in time. The type of dominance that rings true the most is actually findom: not just the cash fetish, but because the inversion of power balance in the consumer-provider aspect of this interaction allows the domme extended mental sincerity and complexity. When well exacted, it is the distilled essence of female-led power interactions.
I’ll let this FetLife domme explain it better:
So basically, from a biological/anthropological standpoint, men are disposable and women are not. This is because of the way our biology works. You need more than one woman to go about reproducing children, but one man could impregnate 9 women and produce more offspring than one woman being impregnated by 9 men. You can see this basic concept at play in societal structures from the beginning of civilization until now.
Any who, it isn’t a big a big jump from that basic construct to FinDom really. It’s just an exaggeration of it. Honestly, all power exchange is. A male Dom and a female sub shows the dynamic in the man protecting the woman and the woman serving the man in other ways to show appreciation for the protection, creating a mutually beneficial arrangement. On the other hand, the reverse shows an appreciation on the male’s part of his place as disposable, enjoying that feeling as he shows reverence to the woman in her place of not being disposable.
I would add: the submissive provider, representing the reproductively disposable sex; motivated sexually to bestow resources, modestly, at the feet of the creator of life and beauty, i.e., the Female. This is absolutely not the only role division among the genders; but it’s the one a high caliber female will most likely identify with. We can’t deny biology. It manifests in the instant computations an abundance of male interest induces in a female of my stature, physically, and mentally. I’ll do anything I like to do to a man, the way I like, and expect financial compensation for it. If this has to be called findom, fine by me. I don’t mind. Financial domination is the prerogative of the state over all of us, so I’m in good company, aren’t I! Governments, the mafia, the “powers that be”… entities that take your money because they can. Of course, a pro domme will have limits to this frightful might; yet she always bears a more intense barrage of popular indignation for doing, consensually, what others, more metaphysically overbearing, already to you, non consensually. Such is sexual politics. And politics.
Most men who seek dommes either personally or professionally are accustomed to a product tailored to their fantasy. Fantasy in turn sculpted by the porn they watch. It is mainly a male driven sexual vicious circle, just like the larger arena. So, I predict, few will accept or grasp fully the points I am making, in first instance. It takes a superior understanding, and a bolder outlook, on behalf of the male; beyond expectations of safe, tested quick release — to embrace the future Female.
One day, I brought myself to orgasm, no longer to pictures of my submissive Ella Hughes, or my now censored photographic collection of bloodied backsides. But I brought myself to orgasm thinking of men’s money in my hands. I guess that means findom is now my sexual orientation. What the superior female gets off to nowadays. Because finance is a poetic distillation of power, as opposed to the primal power of physical domination. An abstract shortcut for real, comprehensive influence over a man’s life.
As ever, I am available to discuss and clarify the above and its ramifications. I intellectually investigate alternative sexuality and its implications; my work is maverick and ineffable, a work in progress. Support — strongly encouraged, in its most sincere form, the financial.
In the current landscape, you can’t be a pro-Domme without being a sexual dissident. I am happy to correct popular misconceptions that legally compartmentalize women based on outdated moral criteria. Whom a society decides to call untouchable is a political issue: to restore rights, you need to analyze the whys.
