Spanking Tips for Beginners

A different Kind of Domestic Goddess

Some of you asked me for spanking tips for a beginner. I am also often told my spanking is very pleasurable and to those curious to understand why, I have decided to share my tips, coming from 5/6 years of experience.

I brought together these tips that I hope will help and guide many successful and intimate moments of connection between subs and tops of all colors and flavors.

Glossary: bottom is not just the body part; in BDSM, it means the person who is, in one given session/interaction, submitting to either sadomasochistic practices, or domination. The top is the person who is dominating the session. These two denominations do not involve more than the specific role these parts play in this scene: i.e., a bottom in one scene can be somebody else’s dominant; or the top can be a longtime submissive who is dominating another in this one scene. Roles are fluid in BDSM, and helpfully so, since it is to everyone’s advantage to experience both sides — it enhances empathy and knowledge.

1. Unless a spanking bottom requests a judicial punishment, there should always be a warm up. A hand spanking warm up (over the knee or bent over furniture) should last between 10 minutes and 20.

2. Hand spanking should be done with a slightly cupped hand; this way you reduce impact on your own hand, and you also spank harder and deeper. The bottom doesn’t just get the skin surface impact, but deeper muscle impact, which is more pleasant and allows for more prolonged punishment.

3. Always try to cover the full buttock area. Hitting the same place over and over is not very pleasurable and weakens the bottom’s ability to take longer punishment / reach the head space.

4. The best area to punish is the lower third of the buttock — or the seat area. That’s where most people find it most pleasurable to be hit. Close to genitals and more muscle & fat, therefore able to take more hitting.

Do not ever hit on bony areas. Make sure to not hit the tailbone (very delicate and with lots of nerve endings!).

5. The better the warm up is, the better the rest of the punishment. The bottom should be comfortable, with relaxed muscles. You should find a comfortable position where you can ideally alternate both hands lest one gets excessively tired. A relaxed position for the sub (OTK on a wide sofa) allows the bottom to seep into a pleasant head space. If the bottom is into humiliation, the effect is achieved by uncomfortable positioning (over chair, touching toes etc); the two effects aren’t exclusive; you can use them alternately depending on what you want to achieve from the bottom.

6. Rubs between spanks aren’t just a display of gentle affection / sensuality; they stimulate the blood so prepare the buttock area for more later.

7. IMPLEMENTS: apply many of the rules above to the use of implements.

Best position for implements is either bent and secured over a spanking bench, or furniture. While the latter has the more domestic humiliation appeal of pervertibles, and assigning kinky connotations to every day items — the best physical position for a spankee is really secured over a spanking bench, or horizontal with the bottom raised up to an angle of about 30 degrees. The reason being that relaxed buttock muscles make for better punishment, deeper and more erotic pain, as opposed to sharp damaging impact to the highest surface muscles that are tense. Tense muscles get damaged more when hit.

8. Leather implements are generally favored by everyone but wood is the most feared. Choose accordingly.


If you want to cane them well, apply the same rules as above regarding position and location of strokes. Make sure you’re using your dominant arm.

Position your cane temporarily over the desired landed stroke; the cane tip’s projected line should be two thirds into the far off cheek. And straight. Too long a stroke will wrap around the hip causing unpleasant and potentially unhealthy bruises. The function of corporal punishment is to use the body’s natural biochemistry to reward with pleasant feelings after pain. This will not be achieved if there is real damage on the hip joint; and it will be instead replaced with real damage. The buttocks are the body’s most padded and safe areas to hit; hence the reason for the play’s popularity. Here, post-pain pleasure can be maximized with no risk to health; badly wrapped cane strokes that end on the exterior of the leg annul that.


This is probably the most important part.

Always pay attention to the reactions of the spankee. A natural but firm conversation enforcing the D/s rapport is preferable to tacky lines like “you’ve been a naughty boy, haven’t you”.

Monitor their reactions and if needed, ask direct questions. Asking for information isn’t “less dominant”. It’s always important to communicate.

You need to prepare for the scene mentally, and doing so is achieved by contemplating the information you have of the spankee, the desires, limits, clues and communication style. As a top, even if you’re only performing physical dominance, you need to understand your subject well, and be finely tuned to their desires and limits.

Draw information in advance, preferably in writing. But keep in-session communication to a minimum — there is elegance in only communicating commands and for efficiency.

A brilliant thing and in my view the most fundamental requirement is to have a thorough conversation beforehand: of limits, experience and everything else related to their submission/bottoming/fetish/kink. That will then allow you to:

1. PLAY WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THEIR LIMITS WITH FREEDOM — without fear of doing something wrong by overstepping your mark. Playing in the dark IS NOT DOMINANT. Having to apologize for hitting them on the back of the leg when they didn’t want that is not dominant.



Cannot be stressed enough: thorough discussion of limits and likes/dislikes & experience is vital. It’s the key to a good scene. Dominating someone — even only topping them — is a function of understanding your play partner. It requires empathy, attention and analysis. Once you’ve done your homework on these fronts, nerves and insecurities regarding your performance should diminish. Be prepared.

Understand why they like to be spanked. Understand where it comes from. Then use that to your heart’s desire either to give them a superior experience or to draw something out of them.

Now these golden tips should serve you well! :)

You can always experience the supreme pleasure of being spanked and punished by the Queen of spanking herself, by booking here.

Alternative perspectives on sexual dissidence.